Category: Why am I here?

Cheers to Covid.

Just like that it’s 2022!

Seriously, how fast did the last year fly by? Well it certainly seemed to for me.

Maybe that’s a middle-aged thing.

I’ve got a monster headache but it’s not from celebrating new year’s eve. The side effects of the Pfizer booster have hit and I’m feeling like an old car that has been left out in the paddock to rust.

In the words of the late great Leonard Cohen ‘I ache in the places where I used to play’ but it’s a small price to pay at the end of the day.

Right now I am so thankful and grateful for the silver linings that covid has brought for me.

I can hardly believe it’s been nearly two years since my milestone birthday celebration at the Cottesloe hotel!

Way back at the start of 2020 when covid was something I was only starting to hear about and didn’t think would impact my big birthday holiday.

In the past year I’ve gone from cruising to camping and can honestly say it’s been exactly what I needed to do.

Joining a car club and making new friends while heading off exploring amazing WA.

I’ve survived the heat, dust, dingoes, donkeys and flies, and days without running water and lived out of my car all with my best friend by my side.

Yes we’ve bickered and ranted and played the blame game, but ending a day by the side of a fire after watching the sun set has helped heal most wounds.

Covid is coming but we’re as prepared as we can be, both double dosed and boosted and trying to get used to accessorising with masks every time we leave home.

The bubble is set to burst at the start of February, but in the meantime another birthday is on the horizon and we’ve got one more car trip to complete.

Who’s with me?

Life on the road

It’s Saturday today which means we’ve been living out of our car for more than a week.

A milestone for me especially, and also our relationship.

Lessons I’ve learnt already include that a self inflating mattress, a dual battery and a good fridge are worth the money. Invest in a good tent, trust me that’s not something you want to scrimp on, and a collapsible bucket from Kmart has multiple uses.

That red dirt is a bugger to wash off so a good thick flannel is essential, and also a nail brush to get it out from under any nails you have left after rolling up that mattress.

Nothing beats the feeling of watching the sun set on the horizon in a bush camp, and the stars are better than anything you can watch on the idiot box.

Karijini is a magic place so if you have the time to get there it’s a must, and the people you meet on the way there are worth the long drive.

Yep there’s been more than a couple of arguments along the way, but navigating our way through the biggest road trip we’ve ever done is bringing us together in more ways than anything else we’ve ever done until now.

And right now I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be.

30,000 kms in three years

Today is a public holiday in Western Australia, and right now there’s a lot of people heading home after a long weekend away.

We opted out of a road trip this weekend for a few reasons, but it feels appropriate to reflect on how far we have travelled since purchasing my ‘G.I. Jane’ Subaru Outback at the end of June in 2018.

Having just returned from an overseas holiday and with plans in place to celebrate a milestone birthday in 2020, the EOFY purchase was more about the trade-in value of my previous car and the fact I fell in love with the colour than anything else.

30,000 kms later we’ve hit the road more often and seen more of our state than we would ever have intended if Covid hadn’t put paid to our original plans.

The money we would have spent overseas has instead been invested in ‘pimping’ my car, purchasing camping supplies and sampling local bakeries from Coolgardie to the Porongorups.

Driving G.I. Jane on and off-road, along with seeing more of our state, we’ve had the opportunity to expand our circle of friends and realise how the small things mean so much along the way.

Fingers crossed Covid won’t impact our plan to see Karijini and Exmouth in a couple of months, and I’m envious of friends who recently sold everything and headed for the horizon with no set plan; one Powerball and we’ll meet them somewhere on the road.

In the meantime I’m so grateful to be able to see more of amazing WA as well as to appreciate how lucky we are to be here right now.

Who knows where the next 30,000 and three kms will take us?

Not a ‘sickie’, just a cold

I’m not at work today, I’m sick.

Not a ‘sickie’, just a cold.

Probably still okay to be at work, just feels like a ‘normal’ cold but I did the ‘right thing’ and went to a respiratory clinic for a Covid test earlier today.

And yes it wasn’t pleasant.

I did the biggest loudest sneeze of my life after the nostril swab! And it’s true, your glasses fog up when you wear a mask.

And I’m annoyed I’m stuck at home until the test results are confirmed, because we’re heading away this weekend and I still need to sort out my outfit for the wedding, and was planning to catch up with the girls on my rostered day off tomorrow.

But that’s a small price to pay at the end of the day.

First World Problem as they say?

On a day I heard Doctors Without Borders are on their way to the US to help deal with the pandemic.

Because it’s people like me, who assumed it was ‘just a cold’ but actually had the virus, who helped spread it and we can all see how that is panning out overseas.

Because I heard on the radio that we need to think of the virus like the smell of cigarettes you breathe in even after the smoker has stopped smoking.

It’s in the air you breathe.

Yes we’re lucky here in Western Australia that we’ve not had any community transmission yet. But it feels like it’s only a matter of time.

Just look at how fast it’s spread in South Australia. From one person.

So maybe think about having Christmas outside this year, or a smaller family gathering than usual, or if you have to be inside have a fan circulating air.

And if you feel like you’ve ‘just got a cold’ go and get a Covid test.

It’s just the right thing to do.

Education for all, not just the rich.

At the memorable protest rally I attended during my time at the University of Western Australia, I loudly chanted this along with my first year peers as we marched along St. Georges Terrace in the Perth CBD.

This was way way back in 1988 when University education was free.

Yes kids, free.

Among the many legacies of the Whitlam Labor government was the removal of University fees in the 1970’s, but this apparently became ‘untenable’ by the end of the next decade.

For people like me, the first person in my family to be offered a place and attend such a beautiful and prestigious university, the concept of fees being implemented right now in Australia would have meant closing the door on tertiary education completely.

I ended up taking seven years to complete my undergraduate degree, and the legacy of debt I had to repay for all those years was with me until relatively recently.

Life has this funny way of getting in the way when you’re busy making plans, and sometimes you need a Plan B, but that shouldn’t have to involve removing the choice to go to university.

As an Arts graduate who also recently completed a Graduate Diploma, I can honestly say that tertiary education provided for me the critical thinking and communication skills that are also important in the workplace.

I understand that the system is struggling right now, largely because of the void that has been created by the absence of international students, but there are already other ways to learn job-ready skills.

Does the guarantee of a job after graduation mean your knowledge is more valuable?

Is it ‘right’ or ‘fair’ to value accountants more than artists?

Sorry but the implications of this sort of change on The Arts simply does not sit well with me.

But these are just my thoughts so please don’t take anything I have to say personally 🤔🙏

#nofilter I am not okay

I have a guilty secret that I feel the need to share …

I have medically diagnosed Generalised Anxiety Disorder that keeps me awake at night, literally.

Along with seeing a psychologist, I have recently started taking medication to help manage my chronic insomnia. Lack of sleep is like a ‘truth serum’ for me, which also happens to be one of my favourite songs. It’s by Smog if you’re interested, Google it 😁

Some days it’s like I have too much to say and not enough time, and if get within earshot I’ll tell you what I really think about EVERYTHING 😃

But I digress, until now I have felt too ashamed or scared or … something to share my ‘guilty’ secret.

Like my cat who is not well, some days all it want to do is find somewhere cosy and hide away. The linen cupboard is her favourite comfy place at the moment. But I’m off topic again …

Why is it so hard to reveal and discuss mental illness?

I broke my ankle a couple of years ago and it was clear I was not ok because of the dirty black smelly ‘moon boot’ I had to wear for nearly two months. The lack of sleep and reactive gut, two symptoms of anxiety, caused me to lose a lot of weight and I keep being told I look fantastic but I can, hand on heart, say I have never felt worse.

On days like today when I’ve had a bad sleep I know I look like crap but it’s not like I have a sling or a cast or a moon boot to explain why. And until now I’ve done my best to soldier on and put on my ‘happy face’ and act like everything is okay.

But I am not okay and it feels better to share that with you so thanks for taking the time to read this.

And if you are interested Google Generalised Anxiety Disorder 😉

The sounds of home

Today is Tuesday and I was woken just after sunrise by the sound of our bin being emptied. That sound would normally be around the same time as my workday alarm going off when I would jump straight in the shower to wash the sleep away. This morning I rolled over and went back to sleep for a few more hours instead.

Every morning a relative of an elderly Italian neighbour calls in. He drives an Audi R8, a car with a distinctive engine sound that announces his arrival, with a staccato double tap on the horn defining his departure every day. I am normally ready for a coffee around that time so it’s my signal to head into the kitchen to turn on the espresso machine.

The mail is delivered around midday by a postal delivery officer whose bike has squeaky brakes. Even if he doesn’t stop outside our block of units, the sound is a reminder to go outside and check the mailbox.

We live on the same street as the local Primary School, and since the start of term the day has been punctuated by the school siren.
Kind of reminds me of the time we stayed in the heart of Florence across the road from a church, with a bell that rang at 8am and 5pm every day.

The plan for the final leg of the big holiday we had organised for now was to settle into an Airbnb in Sorrento for a week, and it was the opportunity to experience the sights and sounds as a local that I was especially looking forward to.

The funny thing is that it wasn’t until I was forced to holiday at home that I came to really appreciate the comfort that the sounds of home already offer me.

I am so very grateful that Covid-19 has given me the opportunity to slow down, reflect on and reset my priorities, and the day there is no engine purr or staccato double tap is when I will knock on the neighbours door to check on her myself.

In the meantime I think it’s about time to put the kettle on.

A different kind of holiday

I can’t believe it’s been five years since I started sharing my stories on here! Time flies, so much water under the bridge, and all that jazz.

Today is the eve of my long service leave, a six week holiday planned to celebrate my mid-Century milestone which is now cancelled.

Thanks to Covid-19, instead of heading off on a big jet plane, spending time in the city that never sleeps, and cruising from New York to Rome, I will now be having a very different kind of holiday, at home.

Along with tackling a number of jobs around the house that are way overdue, keeping my husband company while he works from home, and taking advantage of online workouts thanks to my gym membership, I’m hoping to revive some hobbies, especially music, gardening, baking, knitting and of course writing which is why I am back here.

According to the astrologer I follow, April is my month for home, so who knows, maybe this was the plan for my leave all along?

Blink and you’ll miss it

Blink, blink. HOSPITAL. SILENCE.

So begins a poem by Bruce Dawe written in the 1950s and studied by me in the 80s, a story of one man’s life, from birth until being buried.  The poem itself is a satirical look at modern society and its materialism, but for me it’s the idea of documenting what happens between the blink blink statements that really resonates.

Back at the start of this month I had the best of intentions to be here more. Here as in documenting my life journey and lessons for myself and anyone else who may be interested. Here as in being mindful and stopping to appreciate what I have instead of dwelling on what I don’t.

And now it is almost the end of January and I’ve been too busy doing to stop and document. Doing something different like flying to another country on the first day of the New Year to celebrate my birthday (Georgetown Penang, highly recommended). Doing more with my body including returning to the gym and making exercise part of my day instead of an afterthought, and finding a healthy balance between being more mindful about what I eat and drink to get myself back on track along with socialising and celebrating with friends and family.

In just over two months it will be the final countdown to our 10th cruise, which we will be flying to the other side of the world to join, and I can see the time between then and now just flying by in the same way that the past month has done.

In just under two years is another milestone birthday, a date already on the horizon with preliminary planning and discussions of if/how/where/when to celebrate/commisserate.

Not that I am complaining of course, life is a gift and all that. Just sometimes I need to remind myself of how much I have done with my life between the blinks and be more mindful of how much time I have left.

Blink, blink. CEMETERY. Silence.

 

Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow

As well as having a heavenly scent, the flowers on this plant in my garden also have a story to tell.

I chose and planted it when we returned from our first ever cruise on Dawn Princess from Fremantle to Sydney in March 2010. The cruise we boarded on the day of an infamous hail storm, when my now-husband proposed and we met our wonderful cruise buddies.

What is amazing about this plant is that every year around this time it puts on the most wonderful tricolour floral display; the flowers range in colour from purple to mauve to white, depending how old they are. Hence its nickname of Yesterday Today Tomorrow.

Yesterday I was a young mother with long hair and lean limbs, living and loving every moment of every day of my life with my ‘babies’. Today my hair is still long but my limbs are no longer lean, and my children are young adults living and loving every day in their own way. Tomorrow they will hopefully be blessed with children of their own and they will recall their yesterday with me and remember to make the most of their today.

Yesterday I never imagined the today I would be living, full of love and life and tomorrow plans, with so many wonderful friendships and journeys and memories.

Today I am OK and Tomorrow I will be too.

Sometimes all I need is to stop and admire these flowers to remind myself of that.